Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Where I Talk About Friendship

Do you ever have those days where you remember the most random bits of your life?

Today is one of those days for me, and I am remembering my old best friends.

This morning, one of the girls I was an EFY counselor to came over to my apartment. For some reason, EFY decided it was a good idea to hire me at the age of nineteen to be in charge of packs of girls not much younger than me. I stayed in contact with a few of the girls for a few years, but I've seen Brittani pretty regularly and over the years we've fallen into a sisterly relationship. So, it wasn't out of the ordinary to see her today, but when I did I remembered a lot of things from that summer four years ago.

Back then, I'd just finished my freshman year at Mizzou where my best friends were Kelli Kedigh, Kelly Dalton, and Sarah Vittetoe. After a year of independence, I decided that I should pack up my little red civic and drive out west to live in Salt Lake, which I did, even though I didn't know a soul. Before I got an apartment, though, I worked at EFY in Provo where my best friends were Whitney Beck, Sarah Wilson, and a boy I referred to as Edward Mike, mostly because Edward was his first name and he was embarrassed by it so he went by his middle name Mike. I had a crush on him the entire summer, from my first week in June to my last week in August, but he had a girlfriend so I dated a few other boys over the course of the summer. For most of this, my future husband was a mere block or two away at the MTC getting ready to go on his mission.

I worked EFY the next summer, too, but that year my best-EFY-friends were Ruthie Grawe, Amber Anderson, and a boy named David, who was also one of my best friends in the real world, a friendship that was one of the most headache-inducing times of my life. After that summer, I settled down to a life in Provo, attending BYU as a double major. I was not very happy when I first lived here. I had a best friend named Calvin Olsen, but I had a lot of other relationship problems and problems with myself. I didn't make a lot of friends, though I still had best friends who lived in Salt Lake and Logan, namely Katie Bell, Jayne Herrscher, and Whitney Beck (still). Let me rephrase that- I made some friends when I officially moved to Provo that fall, but Brittany Walpole was my only close friend that was a girl. This was a blessing in disguise, though, as I'd always had a lot of friends and a lot of love interests. Not having a huge social life gave me a lot of time to work on myself as I worked towards a double major and kept artwork up on the side.

In some ways, that time period was the quietest, most relaxed time period of my life. I thought of this today as I talked to Brittani. Even though I sometimes see her as the sixteen-year-old girl I met four years ago, she's the same age I was during this time period of my life, and it's crazy to me how everyone has a different life path and how no one, except your parents, know you through your entire life.

I think there are parts to everyone that are secrets. Not intentionally, but it's not as if, prior to marriage, I sat Andrew down and flashed him flash cards about the parts of my life he was not involved in. And honestly, it's nice that he didn't know me then, just like he didn't know me in high school when my best friends were Brekka Bench, Brittney Bury and Katie LeVota, with girls like Kari Fritchie, Meagan Crawford, and girls from church threaded throughout different years. I don't think there is a universal time period where everyone meets their Mr. C., but I was really lucky to meet mine after living in Provo for a year and a half. By that time, my quiet time period felt like it was ending, and because I hadn't made that many friends, I wasn't afraid of being lonely anymore. In fact, I kind of embraced it whenever I was alone. It's not that I didn't have friends and it wasn't that I wasn't outgoing- I just realized that I could be myself without having three or four best friends to always rely on, something that had always been extremely important to me prior to living in Provo.

I still feel the same way. I don't need three or four best friends to be comfortable in my own skin. I have a best friend and his name is Andrew. We have a wonderful friendship and love-ship, but I have to admit that sometimes it would be nice to have really close girl friends again, not just people that I see every four or five months to catch up with. I'd like to have the kind of friends again that I could call up and say "Want to come over and do [insert whatever sounds good here].", because I don't have that anymore and aside from Kendra, my best-friend-roommate before I got married, I haven't had that kind of relationship with anyone since I lived in Salt Lake, excluding when Jayne lived here for a semester. The truth is, though, I don't really know how to make friends with girls anymore, if I ever did, and even if I knew how, I wouldn't be able to make friends with them until Max is a few months old. I think that is my goal for our last year in Provo, though: To make friends with more girls. It makes me completely uncomfortable, because I can be picky about my friends and I want to just connect with someone automatically, but this is something I'm definitely going to work at once Max is here.