Tuesday, July 27, 2010

And My Trip Home is Over.

My mother would kill me if she knew I was up writing this instead of sleeping, but I'm taking that risk.

Being home has been really hard, but it's also been really good.
It seems like Max is filling out by the second, which shouldn't be surprising when he eats for thirty minutes and twenty minutes later he starts screaming for more.
I'm a softie and don't think new babies should cry things out, so I give in.
Thus, he's getting little rolls all over his little body.


There are two reasons that being home has been really hard.
Honestly, the main one is that I am completely and totally exhausted, from my head to my toes. Some days I wake up more refreshed than others, but it seems like whenever my mom helps me get a good night's rest by watching my babe for over half of the night, Max stays up awake and screaming the next night, obliterating the rest I stored up the night before.

The other reason is that I really miss my husband and I do not handle this well.
Especially in the past few days, I often find myself being curt and sharp with him on the phone, cutting him off and not responding to half of what he says. It's not that I don't care about what he's saying, I just get really worked up about not seeing him and in order to handle it, I act really bratty, almost as if I'm emotionally detaching myself from the situation.

I wish I didn't do that.

I fly home tomorrow afternoon around four pm and I am not excited.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm ready to see my lover, be in my home, and get back to a sense of normal. I'm just not ready, in any way, to board two planes and sit through a somewhat long layover with a babe in arms, especially since he's developed some colic-like tendencies in the afternoon. I'm sure it will be okay, but I'm dreading the experience... also especially since despite his efforts, Mr. C. has not been able to find a sub to cover an hour of his shift so he can pick us up. Which means I'll probably be sitting in an airport for an hour longer than necessary. Boo.

Keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow at four.
That's when I board my first plane.