Sunday, September 12, 2010

I Love You

Y'know how, while you're growing up, you think there'll be an Ah-ha! moment that lets you know someone is THE one.

I never had that with Mr. C. and for all I know, Mr. C. never had it with me.
For us, we were just the only ones after our first real encounter.
It was just right, like everything in my life was complete for the first time, even though I didn't know anything was missing. (Cheesy-cheesy-cheesy, I know but there's no other way to explain it.)
There wasn't an ah-ha moment or a moment when I felt him sweep me off my feet.
It just happened before I had a second to catch my breath.

BUT sometimes when I try to pinpoint an exact moment, I think of this:

Two weeks and four days after our first conversation, Mr. C. and I were alone in my apartment, fooling around with our computers and laughing. Mr. C. slid the computers to the floor and scooped me up onto his lap. He put his cheek close to mine and said, "I've been thinking and I've got to tell you something."

And I thought, "Crap. He's going to break up with me."

But then he kept talking, explaining how he'd come to his conclusion.
I stopped listening and thought, "Crap. He's going to say he loves me. Crap. Crap. Crap."

And then he said, "I... I love you. But-you-don't-have-to-say-it-back."

And, after a moment, I said, "Alright.... I'm not going to."

Then we sat on the couch snuggled up for what seemed like an eternity and my mind raced like it had never raced before. Mr. C. was totally silent.

I don't know how much time passed by, but I do remember that a century later I was laying on my stomach saying "I love you, too."

And he said, "What?"

And I said, "I love you, too!!"

And then I pushed him onto the floor and buried my face in the cushion.
When I looked up another century later, I swear that boy had diamonds in his eyes and I wanted to cry with disbelief because he was mine-all-mine. Not because I wanted him to be but because he wanted to be.

Mr. C., that feeling has never changed.
I love you.
Thanks for a wonderful day!