Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Hazy

I shouldn't be up right now but I have been looking at old pictures and thinking.


That's me, mere days before I fell in love with Mr. C.

Marrying that man was the best decision I ever made.

I've always been fiercely independent, so sometimes I still surprise myself when all I want to do is take care of him, take care of our baby, make our home a happy one, and just be. I always wanted to be a mother but I never knew if staying home would make me feel completely satisfied.

But oh boy, it does completely.
And it's given me a whole new appreciation on the belief I have that families can be together forever.
We both love our baby something fierce and he brings us so much joy we still can't believe it.

I'm not saying it's all sunshine and roses.
In fact, the past few months I've realized that the first three months of a babe's life aren't called the Fourth Trimester solely for the baby.
I haven't had any depression after Max's birth, but you better believe that the world looks a little hazy right after a little one comes along.

My haze wasn't being sad or overly frustrated.
Mine was that, for the first time since I was thirteen or fourteen or maybe sixteen, I felt out of place in my own skin, like I was wearing a jacket that scratched but couldn't take it off.

And thank heaven, I think that haze has finally settled.
Meaning, I'm not wearing that scratchy jacket anymore.