Monday, November 22, 2010

My Niche.

Lately I have been thinking about titles and achievement.

I don't think many of us want to be the one with all the answers to all of life's questions, just like I don't think many of us want to know all the solutions to the world's problems, but I do believe that each of us want to know something others don't- that we want to be something that sets us apart from others, gives us our own niche in society, and makes us feel fulfilled.

Before I was a mother, I constantly spun stories in my head and on paper. I'd string words together at the supermarket, while I was holding conversations with my friends, and while I swept the kitchen floor. From a very young age, I knew I wanted to be a writer and I knew that, some day, that dream would come true.

I have gone through a lot of phases, but along with writing, I always wanted to be some level of a photographer and I wanted to be a mother, but before I became either, I wanted to fall in love.

As a concept, love always fascinated me. In reality, I was never comfortable in a relationship before Mr. C., despite my dating record. Whether I was fifteen or twenty-one, I never liked the idea of giving up my freedom to someone who may or may not be "the one". So, I waited. I tried not to take my relationships for granted, but in each of them, I felt like something was missing and never fully committed myself to anyone. Then I met Mr. C. and life turned into a whirlwind of "I never told anyone that before," "I love you," "How about we get married in June instead of August?" and "We are going to be parents!!"

Mr. C. and I don't have much but we have each other and we have Max. I am only twenty-four years old and I feel like my real life is only a few years old. I don't know if I will ever become a published author, but I still write and people already read, even though I don't consider myself to be a blogger. I may not have booked a lot of photo sessions this fall, but I didn't have time to in the first place and most importantly, I have taken priceless pictures of our little son.

Over the past few months, I've realized that I may never have another title other than "Mom" and "Mrs. C.", but I have also realized that I may never have another day where I have no obligations until I am seventy-eight. There will always be a husband to kiss, a child to dress, beds to make, memories to record, and food to cook. As long as I have my family, I will always have someone to love and take care of, which makes me loved and taken care of in return.

That is the niche I have created for myself- a niche of family and love.

I don't have the answers to world hunger or know anything about local politics, but I love my husband and child fiercely and somehow, taking care of them makes me feel like I am making the world a better place.

And that is all I have to say tonight.