Friday, December 24, 2010

Where I Point Something Out in a Picture

Here is something you should know about me:

Waiting to Pose

Did you notice? Look again.
Did you notice that time? My leggings are uneven.
My leggings are always uneven and I've worn them at least twice a week since two-thousand-and-SIX.

Here is something that says the same thing about me:

Ninja and Pillow
How I Spent the Day

Most of my day has been spent making presents for my family members.
When I started a pillow for Sophie, I started to show my mom how to make it and said this:

"I like these pillows because I can be as messy as I want to be."

To which she replied:
"But why would you want to be messy?"

I am not saying that I am an unclean, careless person, but I am saying that I often can't be bothered. I am not sloppy, but when I get excited about what I'm doing, I lose myself in the process. I have a tendency to be passionate, withdrawn, and outspoken all in the same breath. And because of this, I believe that everyone should be their own person, despite what's trendy and what's not-so-hot.

When I woke up from my pregnancy and new baby coma back in October, I felt like the entire world had changed. Everywhere I looked, people I had known for years were sporting SLR cameras as accessories, they were attempting writing when it had never interested them before and they wore clothes that looked like they had been pulled from my pre-baby closet. I have never been the prettiest of my friends or the smartest person in my classes, but one thing I always had going for me was pure determination and an independent spirit I'd had since childhood. So, when I looked around as a new mother with extra skin and next to no free time, I got really confused. I had everything I wanted, but I started bickering with Mr. C. and sulking. This attitude peaked in parts of October and November when I honestly could not remember what I used to be like because all of the sudden I felt just like everyone else... but then my husband made me realize something.

It doesn't matter what anyone else does with their time.
It doesn't matter if all my friends wear skinnier jeans than I did when I was twenty.
It doesn't matter if those same friends used to make fun of my pants.
It doesn't matter if ninety percent of BYU students secretly want to be novelists.
And really, it doesn't matter if my life isn't perfect.
It doesn't matter if I feel a little uncomfortable at times because, well, I am an individual.

One of the great things about life is that everyone has the power to be whoever they want to be, and if they don't believe they have that power, they still have the power to choose their own attitude. I have always been a happy person, so the sulking I indulged in this fall was harrowing on many levels. More than anything else, it was tiring and led me into a deeper depression. I have never been so tired in my life as when I started to compare myself to others. But this narrows down to one thing: I am an individual.

I am Elisabeth Clair Chandler (formerly Bogart) and I have always been my own person. I love being caught up in moments, I love having ink-stained fingers, I love touching cheeks with my husband and my son, I love capturing moments through a camera, and I love wearing leggings as pants because I hate jeans and after one hot summer, I am tired of dresses. I also love owl necklaces and homemade stuffed animals... but not homemade shirts.

And you know what else?
I eat batter off my finger while I am baking and sometimes, I don't wash my hands after.
Go ahead. Judge me.