Monday, February 07, 2011

Things I've Learned Since Becoming a Mom.

Baby Bath
(Taken seconds before he grabbed that basket and partied with all those toys.)

1. Cute baby nails = a whole lotta bloody scratches.
Scratches on baby scalps, scratches on baby cheeks, scratches on your arm, scratches in your mouth, Harry Potter scars on your husband's forehead... it doesn't matter how short you cut those suckers whenever you're able to tie your monster down, they will make someone bleed.

2. Baby diapers = a whole lotta money.
Because when you plan ahead and say "Oh, he'll still be in a size 2 for three more months", it's a guarantee that he'll be a size 4 two weeks later... if not three days later.

3. Anything belonging to Mom and Dad = Baby Gold.
Just when you've armed yourself (and your living room) with Bumbles the Bee, Socks the Fox, light up musical drums, three blankets, Mr. Duckster, Seymour the Sea Horse, and a crocheted ball, your mini tyrannosaurus will hone in on the DVD's in less than fifteen seconds.

4. Baby mobility = Death of Sanity.
Once little chunkers learn to roll over (or scoot on their boot), your life is over. Once your back is turned, little superheroes in training will flip backwards, roll, scoot, and gurgle until they're across the room, ready and willing to take on whatever's around the corner,

5. Gummy Smiles = Melted Hearts.
Before you have your own baby, other baby smiles make your heart flutter. They're cute, they're cuddly, and though they may smell a little less than sweet, those gummy smiles get you every time. Then you have your own baby and those perfect gummy smiles make your heart melt and slide like butter all the way to the floor and you fall in love all over again, even when you're on your way to change an outfit for the fourth time that morning.

6. Parenthood = No Sleep. Ever.
You may think you can sleep when you're baby's down, the kitchen's scrubbed, and the laundry pile has miraculously disappeared, but really all you're doing is resting your eyes for a few hours as you dream about chubby cheeks, stolen kisses with your husband while the baby's sleeping, and the dirty dishes in the sink that will still be there when you pull yourself out of bed fifteen seconds later.

7. Babies = Love.
Any time of the day, whether you're covered in scratches, chasing down flyaway toys or baby Cheetos (the healthy kind!), or thinking about cutting your hair off for the ninety fifth time in sixteen minutes, it all melts away when your little stay puffed marshmallow of love wraps his arms around you and snuggles his neck into your shoulder. The world calms down, you sigh and thank God for such a perfect angel and then... you feel a little hand wrap around your free flowing hair and that prayer turns into a yelp of pain.

And then you put that baby rhino back on the floor and start the cycle all over again.