Friday, March 25, 2011

Nine Months Later

Back when I was pregnant, nine months seemed like ninety years.
In the longest 37 weeks of my life, I never slept, my maternity clothes stopped fitting, and my child had hiccups every night between ten and eleven.
Now a days, I still don't sleep, my maternity clothes don't fit, and my child wakes up every night between ten and eleven to nurse.

My Life

What can I say?
He's a boob man, no matter where we are.

Before pregnancy, I was probably one of the biggest perfectionists that had ever lived- not in the sense that I was obsessed with perfect grades and perfect hair (okay, you got me, I was obsessed with both of those things once I moved out on my own), but I planned out my days to the minute, had a fancy shoe collection that topped one hundred and twenty five pairs, and worked my booty off at everything I did.

Not gonna lie, my life kinda fell apart when I was pregnant because I had to stay home all the time and I no longer had anything to be a perfectionist about unless you count waking up at a certain time of day and remembering to shower in between episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I was so, so excited to have a baby so it was worth it, but each time I crossed something off my to-do list I felt a little disappointed rather than triumphant because I didn't want to finish my to-do list and then have nothing to do.

Then I became a mother and realized my days of being a perfectionist were long gone.

Don't get me wrong. I still make lists and I still work my booty off at (nearly) everything I do but it's different. I don't do things for myself as much as I used to and even though I worry now a lot more about things like coughs and sleeping habits, I worry a lot less about things like bad hair days and other frivolous obsessions I used to nurse because even though I never want to be someone who lets go of their dreams, I want to give my children magical, happy childhoods.

The best way to make it relatable is this: After pregnancy, my body looked completely different. I was happy with my body before pregnancy and when everything didn't roll off within a couple months, I was a little ticked. I lost everything (60 pounds!!) by the time Max was seven months old but there was a catch.

The catch? Some parts of me are a lot smaller and some parts of me are a lot larger (helloooo, booty). At first, this stressed me out but a while back, I realized that my body change didn't matter. My clothes fit me, I'm comfortable, and even though I have bad days, whenever I have a good night's sleep I feel much more beautiful-and capable!- than I ever did before I had a child.

So I guess what I'm saying, nine months later, is this:
In a lot of ways, being a mother has made me more comfortable in my own skin than I ever was before and really, I couldn't ask for anything more fabulous.