Friday, September 09, 2011

Twenty Four

This weekend, we are headed to Lee's Summit for my friend's baby shower.

Brittney

Brittney's been my best friend since we were ten years old and now she's having a girl fifteen months younger than Maxwell. Which means I may have picked out Max's future wife (kidding! I do not believe in arranged marriages, particularly when one half of the match isn't born yet). I've got about 500 things to do before we leave but when we get back?

It'll be my birthday!

Birthday Cake

It's true. I'm swapping my early-mid-twenties age of 24 for the whoppin' two-five. Which means there is no way around it. I am in my mid-twenties and I am starting to get smile wrinkles around my eyes. Crazy, right?

Twenty-four taught me all kinds of things. It taught me that sometimes I can't do everything on my own. It taught me that it's okay to ask for help. It taught me that, sometimes, I'm going to be absolutely furious with my husband. It taught me that, even when Andrew makes me want to pull my hair out (or makes me want to pull his hair out), I love him anyways. It taught me that there's more to being a mom than poopy diapers, temper tantrums, and snuggles full of soft baby fat. It taught me that, sometimes, your best friends aren't really your best friends and, sometimes, the person who you considered a "kinda-sorta" friend should have been your best friend all along. It taught me that I will always be changing- that there comes a time in everyone's life where you've changed so much that you look at a picture of your former self and think "I don't even know that girl anymore." Which sometimes is a good thing and, other times, it's a really bad thing. Twenty-four taught me that I can do hard things, even though I already knew it anyway. Twenty-four taught me that it's easy to forget your goals, but it also taught me that there is always hope. For me, twenty-four was a struggle. A struggle I didn't share openly with anyone around me. Twenty-four was tough! But it was also triumphant- extremely triumphant.

A year ago, I often felt frazzled and pulled in five hundred directions by the people who loved me best and the expectations I had for myself. Not knowing what else to do, I became obsessive about being the best mom who had ever lived. I expected a spotless home, perfect decorations, no financial trouble (ha!), and to give my whole life over to my son. Which I did and continued to do for a very long time. For months, I became a shell of the person I used to be. But! Eventually, I realized that, even though I'm not the twenty-year-old Elisabeth Bogart that I used to be- a twenty-year-old who was full of life, laughter, big hair, flirtatiousness, and all kinds of dreams- I am still me. I am still that same person. I am still full of life, laughter, big hair, flirtatiousness, and all kinds of dreams. But on top of that, I am so much more. I am now someone who understands complete sadness. I am a mother. I am a wife. I've realized that real love doesn't just apply for the good times and I've learned that, sometimes, you have to hit rock bottom to truly understand yourself and your surroundings. I love my family and I love my husband. I've changed the past year in ways I never could have predicted. But I'm okay with that. Scratch that. Strangely, I am overwhelmingly happy with that. I am so happy that I own my life and can do anything with it that I see fit. And I am really happy to have Andrew, Maxwell, and all of our family members along for the ride.

P.S. Check out this picture of Maxwell taken the end of last August:

Buddha

Ah! He had his first haircut today and he looks like he's four. Photographs to come soon!