Friday, October 07, 2011

A Post With Photos From a Morning Snuggle

Sometimes, I forget that my life now is actually my life.

Or maybe it's not that I forget, but it's that I have a hard time reconciling that the girl I am now is the same girl I was six months ago and six years ago. I am myself, but I am also so many different people.

I am the shy twelve year old who wouldn't order my food at restaurants. I am the loud twenty year old who had a new love interest every other week. I am the twenty-one year old who was so skinny that all of my small clothes fell off and I was never warm in the winter. I am the five year old who dreamt of blue ants and ate honeysuckle off of my neighbor's fence. I am the twenty-three year old new mom who sat up watching my sleeping son all night, hoping and praying that he would continue to breathe. I am the twenty-two year old Andrew Chandler fell in love with over late night snuggles and silly kisses. I am the thirteen year old who wore blue eyeshadow and white lip gloss. I am the eighteen year old who laid next to pools with my best friends and laughed with excitement about all the dreams each of us had. I am the awkward fifteen year old who never knew whether to laugh, cry, or be annoyed. I am the cranky twenty-four year old who never slept. I am the nine year old who skinned up her whole leg from falling off a bike her dad specifically told her not to ride. I am the three year old who constantly toddled after my cousins and brothers. I am the eleven year old who read adult nonfiction books that I pulled from my father's library. I am the nineteen year old who spent all of her money and time on music, art supplies, beauty routines, and vintage dresses.

And I am also just me. I am the twenty-five year old who stays up really late to work and gets up early to drive her husband to his work. I am the twenty-five year old with three pounds of extra flesh on her stretched out tummy and three pounds of extra bootyliciousness on her backside. I'm the twenty-five year old who takes a beautiful child and an adorable puppy on a walk and gets compliments from random strangers about how cute her life is. I'm the twenty-five year old who has so much love and so many opportunities. I'm the twenty-five year old who takes photographs wherever she goes and strings words in her head all day long. I am the twenty-five year old whose days look like this:

25 25
25 25
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Some days, it's hard to be the twenty-five year old version of me, but mostly it's my own little slice of heaven. So even when I've been up all night with a screaming fifteen month old and have to get up early to scoop up poop left out by my three month old puppy and been so busy that, at noon, I sit working in my pajamas while the pup and the babe both nap, it's worth it and it is so, so lovely.

There's so much beauty in the world. There's so much beauty in growing up, making a family, and going after your dreams. There's so much love. There's so much hope. And it's not that I've had a hard morning or hard week or hard month, but even on the best of months and weeks and mornings, it's good to take a deep breath and remember.

So this morning, I am remembering.