Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Stars.

First off: Thank you to all of my guest posters!
I hope all y'all enjoyed our little celebration of fall!

Second off: I am back to posting.
Let's begin, shall we? Awesome.

Two years ago, Mr. C. and I were ridiculous college students.

Two Years Ago

Credit wise, I was a senior. Credit wise, he was a junior. I was working on a double major in History and English. He was working on switching his Psychology major to a History major. I had just quit a two-year stint working in the basement of the university's library and was trying to find my photographic footing. He was in his second year working as a Spanish teacher at the MTC. We were busy, sometimes frazzled, dirt poor, and happy.

But mostly? But mostly!
We were starry-eyed babies. We were so gung-ho about each other that we spent a lot of our time sitting on the nasty carpet of our rented apartment, laughing at each other and talking about our big, huge dreams that were going to take us out of the reality we were currently in and launch us into something more fantastic than we could even dream about.

And then, almost exactly two years ago, those stars in our eyes turned into this:

Us

And then that turned into this:

Us

Which turned into this:

Us

Which turned into this:

life
life

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I just turned twenty-five and that Mr. C. is twenty-four (almost twenty-five!). Sometimes I feel like I should be thirteen or thirty or sixty-two. Other days I feel like I should be nineteen or thirty-five or twenty-seven. Sometimes I want to rush time. Sometimes I want to slow time down. I want to have another baby. I want to publish a book. I want to have five more babies. I want to stay at home all the time and not worry about anything other than my children. I want to photograph a wedding every weekend. I want to solely work as a portrait photographer. I want to travel. I want to travel for photography- and not just for weddings. I want Max to stay the same size forever. I want to know what Max will be like as an adult. I want to stay home in my pajamas. I want to own a used book store. I want Mr. C. to be done with school. I want him to stay in school forever. I want to own a house. I never want to leave our cheerful apartment. I want to be pregnant. I want to stay a little family of three (plus a puppy) forever. I want to sleep more than five hours a night. I want to learn to live on no sleep. I want it to be Christmas. I don't want fall to end. I want so many things during the course of one day and, more often than not, the things I want don't line up with anything else that I want.

Here's the good thing, though. I always want love. And at our house? We bicker. We get mad at each other. The puppy refuses to be house trained and ends up sad-eyed and pitiful in his crate the majority of the day. Max screams. We run out of groceries. We get places late. We are always cleaning up messes. We cry, we smile, we laugh, and we live.

But mostly? By mostly!
We live in a little crash landing of love. So even though we never seem to have enough time, sleep, or patience, we've always had a surplus of love. And those stars in our eyes we had two years ago? They're still there.


They'll always be there.