Thursday, January 05, 2012

This Week on Lissa Clair Photos...

(If you're going to look at just one, look at this one!!)





Greenleaf Family


I know it's cheesy, but today I'm just really grateful that I'm a photographer. In October 2010, during the midst of my postpartum depression, I can remember feeling really, really stupid that I'd dreamt of being a photographer for most of my life and I was so glad that I was no longer shooting and, as I saw it at the time, embarrassing myself. Then, a year ago, before or after class, sometime in the night or in the morning, I remember walking around the apartment brushing my teeth while Max sat on the floor (drooling on his toys and plotting what he would do when he could crawl, no doubt) and I stopped in the middle of the room and thought to myself "I am enjoying this. I am enjoying brushing my teeth."

Yes! I was enjoying brushing my teeth! I have brushed my teeth hundreds of thousands of times. I'm a multiple times a day kind of brusher so it's even less than a chore. It's like autopilot. The fall of 2010 was so difficult for me. I was miserable and guilty for being miserable and my face felt like a crumpled piece of paper stretched into a smile one too many times each and every time I smiled. I loved my family and I loved my baby and I loved my husband, and I had happy moments, but in general, that is the truth about how I felt. But! In January, I started enjoying brushing my teeth. "My teeth!" I remember thinking as toothpaste started drizzling out of my mouth. "I am enjoying brushing my teeth! If I can enjoy this so much, what else can I enjoy?!" I don't know if I've ever vocalized anything about that moment, but I went to bed giggly and, a few days later, I offered ten free sessions to people living in Provo and, since then, my photography has evolved and, most importantly, my life has evolved.

I always loved photography because it caught moments, fleeting emotions, and things I would forget if I didn't document them. I still love photography for that reason. I love photographing individuals, couples, and families. I love photographing events! Heck, I love photographing grass! I love photographing everything around me but, most of all, I am so, so happy that I chose this career path. True, I never wanted to be a working mom. But! If I hadn't become a working mom, there is no way I would have the caliber of photographs I have now- and I'm talking specifically of photographs of my family. I wouldn't have as many, I would have next to none that were high quality, I would always wish I knew more about cameras and editing, and, even though my moments with my family are often constricted by working, processing, and marketing, I have thousands of beautiful moments captured that wouldn't be captured (or wouldn't be captured the same way) if I never became a photographer. And best of all? They're not captured by someone else looking in. They are captured by me, for me, and (sometimes) with me in them. And for me? There's no better way to show my family I love them than preserving the memories I have of them.

And that, my friends, is the real reason I love photography so much.
Also why I love blogging.
And why I still love brushing my teeth, too.