Thursday, January 19, 2012

Time.

This is Max almost exactly a year ago:

Max

This is Max now:

Max

This is me and Max almost exactly a year ago:

Max

This is me and Max now:

Max
Max

If you were to ask me the main thing I've learned since becoming a mother, I'd say that I've learned that time goes faster than I ever could have imagined before my blonde haired squirt broke my water three weeks early and then refused to come out on his own. I'd tell you that I've learned that there's nothing as sweet as a newborn nursing and I'd tell you that there's nothing as frustrating as a newborn screaming. I'd tell you that I've learned that there's nothing like having your eighteen month old run up to you and say "uv-oo" (translation: love you) while he's playing and I'd also tell you that I've learned that, somehow, you come to tune "mom" and sweet "uv-oos" out as easily as you learned to tune out your parents in high school. I'd tell you that, months and months after birth, sometimes all you can do is gape at your baby and think "where did you come from?!" even though you can't believe they were never there before their birth. I'd tell you that there is nothing funnier than watching a chubby baby dance and that nothing lifts your spirit more than hearing your baby squeal without embarrassment as you tickle his soft, often smelly, skin when he wakes up in the morning. I'd tell you that being a mom often means carrying around a lot of guilt because there is always something else you could be doing and that some days are really, really hard. The kind of hard that make you want to curl up in your bed, cover your head with your favorite blanket, and not come out for two weeks, even though you can't spare two minutes to do so.

And I'd tell you that, today, being a mother meant taking my son to a photo shoot and, later, it meant cleaning his projectile vomit off the floor of a nice restaurant and, even later, it meant having him rest his arm on my leg as he danced while I wrote a blog post and took quick breaks to kiss his little cheeks. And I'd tell you that none of those examples clearly convey what motherhood means or what I've learned the past eighteen months.

But, mostly, I'd tell you that being a parent is one big whopper of a lesson and that I know less about parenting now than I did when Max was first born and, when Max was first born, I knew less than I did when I was pregnant with him.

I guess that's kind of the circle, though.
To me, motherhood and parenting is inexplainable. Just like love is inexplainable. Everyone's experience is different. Everyone handles thing differently and, while there are some things I definitely need to improve on (read: vacuuming, laundrying, and scheduling), I really like how things are going right now.

PS. Pretty sure I have toddler vomit in my hair.