Saturday, February 25, 2012

Baby Pictures.

I've been spending my Saturday night crying over Max's itty-bitty baby pictures.

Little M
Little M
Little M
Little M
Little M
Little M
Little M
Little M
Little M
Little M

And I know I've said it seven hundred and fifty three thousand other times, but babies grow up in a blink of an eye. I can't believe that the little boy who knows how to climb out of his crib and revolts against his high chair is the same little boy who used to sleep most of the day. I can't believe how fast he has grown! I can't believe how much Andrew and I have grown up since his birth. I can't believe so many things.

And I really can't believe that there'll be a second one coming this fall.

Honestly, in a lot of ways, this pregnancy feels more surreal to me than my first. When I was pregnant with Max, it almost felt creepy because, like, there was a little baby growing inside of me and it was so much like a fairy tale but also so odd because, well, growing a human is a one-of-a-kind experience. It's tiring! It's exciting. It's really scary. But, when it's the second time around, you know what (hopefully) happens at the end of pregnancy. You know about the smelly socks and night time pee-throughs and the messes and the mayhem and the first time your sweet little child wakes up with horrible baby breath. You know about the highs and lows of basic child care. You know how much you're going to have to give up- the dates, the sleep, the sanity, and the showers. But! You also know about the love. The love that twists and turns and seeps into every little part of your child's life. The love that roots deep inside of your entire being. The love that makes the temper tantrums laughable- no matter whether they're thrown by an infant or an adult. The love that makes you clean up your home even though you just want to go to bed. The love that makes you pull out the camera even when it feels like too much of a chore. The love that draws three baths in one day. The love that's always there, no matter what's happened during the day. The love that casts a shade of brilliance over everything everyone in your family does. The blinding love that makes everything stay afloat, even when everything sucks.

And so! Even though I'm tired, restless, nauseous, scared, and a little crazy, I am just so happy that I know that, no matter what happens, I know what's at the end of the tunnel.

Little M

And, more than that, I know that, even though the nausea eventually subsides and that, this time next year, I won't walk into Sam's Club and realize that I forgot to button up my pants, I'm pretty aware that the tiredness, the craziness, and the fear never really subside. They're all part of parental love. The kind of love that brings sunshine to every day and a little song to your heart when you spend two hours crying over your son's baby photos even though you should really just stand up, walk to your bedroom, and sleep.