Saturday, May 05, 2012

Crazy/Happy.

Happy-3

I know that it's cheesy, but there really is nothing better than watching a little babe grow up each day.

I mean, today I read a book, had a serious battle with how to order things on Amazon (don't ask... I am actually extremely Internet literate), spent more than planned at the grocery store and, at one point, felt like covering my ears because Max was making such a ruckus in the kitchen. Before he went to bed, he ran around with a Batman lunch box screaming, dumped a glass of my strawberry juice all over our makeshift indoor picnic for Cinco de Mayo, and he refused to wear matching shoes. And, right now at 11:42 pm, I'm sitting in the corner of our living room at a desk covered in sprinkles, tangled cords, baby shoes, and stacks of books. Our floor is a mess (too late to vacuum!), the kitchen is passably clean, there's a pan on the couch, a little outfit on the floor, and a yellow patio chair on top of the kitchen counter put there so Max would stop climbing on it.

And sometimes I get really tired and I get really stressed about how I'm supposed to raise such a boisterous little boy and I worry about whether or not I'm doing a good job and I feel like tearing my hair out when I let our apartment get a little out of whack, especially when I have a busy work week coming up. And, sometimes, my pregnant hormones just make me want to sit down and bawl. How do moms do all that they do? And how have I been a bonafide mom for nearly two years? It seems impossible and sometimes my to-do lists seem impossible, but mostly I am just overwhelmed at how beautiful our messy, chaotic, loud little life is.

I'm so happy to be married to the man I'm married to (he drives me crazy). I'm so happy to have the son that we do (he drives me crazy). I'm so happy we're having a new baby (picking out names is driving me crazy). I'm so happy we have a hairy little dog who loves each of us ridiculous amounts (he drives me crazy). I'm so happy that we are able to work and go to school and pay our bills (bills drive me crazy).

So, even though this post sounds like rambles, I am just saying that I am happy. Happy to have an explosive apartment and a fiery toddler and a husband who is nicer than me and happy to just be. I am happy with where we are at right now.