But I like him anyways.
Also, this morning, when I was brushing my teeth, I realized that for Christmas this year, we are going to be celebrating with two little ones. Two! Maybe it's because a lot of my friends growing up were one of two siblings, but thinking about two little stockings and letting Henry stare at ornaments and having Max help make cookies for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve choked me up and scared me spitless. I'm weeks away from being a mom of two and, even though I'm still a young mom and will be for several more years, I'm not really a new mom anymore. I mean, sure, I only have a small fraction of motherhood experienced and I am not a mom who throws a lot of advice to newer moms than myself because, really, what do I know? What works for my child probably doesn't work for everyone else's child, too. But the thing is: I do know. I know two whole years! I've stayed up late with a colicky baby and I've admitted my son into a hospital and I've taught him how to yell like a gorilla and I've washed his little hands (and forgotten to wash his little hands) and clipped his little toenails and pulled him off countertops and watched him kiss my pregnant belly and transitioned him into a toddler bed and stared at my husband over his head in astonishment when he does something new and, this morning, I said a pseudo-swear (shoot!) and heard him repeat me. I have done all those things and more. And as much as I cry about Max getting older (seriously, I have been a wreck all month), I can't believe that I have already experienced such wonderful experiences and that I will continue to have similar experiences for years to come, and I am excited to learn so much more with little H. It's amazing! Life experiences are amazing- the good and the bad- and I guess I'm just saying that I'm so grateful that I've already been able to experience so much. More specifically, I'm so grateful that I've been able to experience so much love.
Did I mention I've entered my most emotional state of pregnancy?
(I even watched the Bachelorette this week!)
Annnnd I guess I'm just kind of flabbergasted that, somehow, I am twenty-five years old and I have accomplished three of my four largest lifetime dreams that pretty much always seemed out of reach before they happened: I married a funny, ridiculous, dreamy, annoying-yet-endearing, and supportive man. I'm a mom! Almost to two! I take photographs and people pay me for them. I'm nowhere near where I'll be one day, but I'm capable of taking photographs today that I never could have dreamed I'd be able to deliver a year ago. All I have left do on my list is publish a novel... and hopefully a picture book, too. And the craziest part? I am just starting out and, in five years, I will be such a better wife and mom and photographer and writer than I am now. And fifteen years after that? I'm hoping I blow away all of the aspirations I have for myself.
Life is good.