Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Thirty Two Weeks.


I'm not sure how we got to this point, but Henry will be born in five to seven weeks (give or take a few days). I have no idea how this happened, but I do know that I've gained thirty pounds in my stomach and the very tip-top of my legs and my boobs and I'm also acutely aware that I no longer sleep at night and that everyone knows to look for me in the bathroom if they can't find me (Napoleon included) and that my temper breaks faster than a crayon in Max's hands.

I feel like I've been pretty hush-hush about this pregnancy in some ways. When we decided to try for Number Two, we ended up not trying for Number Two (oh, but I wanted to!) because we had to leave our insurance. Then, one night Andrew came home to a grouchy wife and a diaper-clad eighteen month old lounging on the couch and he said it was time to go buy a pregnancy test. I rolled my eyes at him and told him he was ridiculous, mostly because I was just tired that afternoon and also because it was kinda mean to say that to your wife who wanted a new baby more than anything but couldn't afford one. Andrew rolled his eyes back at me and told me to check a calendar. I did and stopped rolling my eyes because, when I looked, I knew. And I was terrified. Terrified because I was pregnant again (last time was hard!) and terrified because I was uninsured for the first time in my life and we were going to have to somehow pay for a c-section. Needless to say, I barely slept the next five and a half months, but things worked out and Andrew got a new job with awesome insurance. And for that, I am more grateful than words can say and I feel ridiculously lucky that things worked out because they looked pretty dark for a while. I was constantly angsty and nervous and obsessed with money (or lack of money) and I am just so glad those days are done.

Also, today Max tried to climb onto my lap but Henry blocked the way, so he looked at me, raised his little hands and said, "Help, Mommy. Help!". So I picked him up even though it hurt. Then, in true Max-like fashion, he stole gum off my desk less than three seconds later and wiggled right off of me.

I love him and I can't wait until he has a little brother scootin' behind him, mostly because they will be best friends but also mostly because I am dying to have a snuggly little baby- skinny or fat, red haired, brunette, or blonde, another mini-Andrew or a Bogart-lookin' boy, calm or colicky- to love on all day and all night. I'm ready to pinch Henry's baby cheeks and kiss his little nose and squeal over his tiny fingers. So ready and so excited.