Saturday, September 15, 2012

What I Thought During An Afternoon Nap

Rainboots and Sleep-1
Day Three-1

Sometimes, as a mom, it can be overwhelming to realize that you are the mom. As in, you are the only mother your child will ever have. Even if some catastrophe were to take place, you would be your child's only biological mother and you will always be important to them, even when they hate you because you've banned them from a stinky hair gel or want them to play tennis when all they want is to play football. What you do as a parent matters and, because of this, sometimes it's a little scary to think that your child will be able to look back and criticize how you parented or compare you to the parents of their friends. I think that most moms are doing their best, but no one is perfect and that makes unchartered territory (read: all aspects of motherhood with each child) unnerving. I mean, it's worth it. The payoff is so wonderful and, I'll admit, sometimes it's an ego trip to think that your child needs you. They want you over anyone else and you provide for all their needs and, on days where it might be hard to get through the day, these little facts are always a little comforting because you are your child's only mother and, as little children, they love you unconditionally. And did I mention they need you? Cause they do.

But! Yesterday afternoon, Max arrived home from his Nana's with a fever and a cough, so after scheduling a doctor's appointment, we napped on the bed together. And as my little man slept and I played with his hair lying next to him, I realized something that I've realized countless times before but never thought to record. As much as he needs me, I need him, too. I don't mean that in a codependent way- I mean that once you have a child and learn what it is to be a mother, there is no turning back from such a wonderful experience. I love my relationship with Max and I'm so excited for my relationship with Henry. I always wanted to be a mom and, as much as he depends on me (and Andrew) for his basic and emotional needs, I need him to fulfill my mothering needs as well.

And I'm sure that statement could be torn apart in a million different ways I don't mean (codependent! only has children to fill a void! crazy mom!) but, in its simplest form, I think needing one another is a spectacular thing.