Monday, April 29, 2013

Just Some Rambles.

For me, the hardest part about being a parent is that I constantly think, "I will never forget this!" as I stroke my baby's cheek or lay on the floor covered in stickers or come inside after a long day covered in sidewalk chalk or as I watch my son dance around because I've made a blanket fort or for any other million mom-reasons.

But! I do forget.

I have a pretty solid memory (before I had kids, it was razor sharp, but that's not so much the case anymore) and it breaks my heart that I forget things so consistently. I mean, it's to be expected. I am very rarely away from my children. They are always, at most, in the next room over unless I am heading off to a shoot. I love having them so close, but it does mean that some of my memories run together or disappear entirely. A few nights ago, I sat at the computer and cried over baby photographs of Max because, when I looked at them, I felt like I was seeing a brand new baby because I am so used to how Henry looks and, right now, he's what a baby looks like when I think of a baby. I miss that baby! I miss him as a one year old and an eighteen month old and a brand new two year old, too. And it's not just Max- I am completely baffled when I look at Henry's tiny baby photos. He was such a serene baby and still has the most chill vibe of any person I've ever known, but holy crud- that kid knows what he wants (and it's usually what Max wants).

I'm totally rambling, but it's just so flabbergasting that I am able to forget so much. That's one of the reasons I love photography so much. When I look back at a photograph, I always remember. So maybe my kids will grow up in front of a camera more than other kids because I really, really want to remember as much as possible, but in the grand scheme of things, I maybe have my camera out in front of them, on average, two or three minutes a day. I don't ask them to look at me and I just get my photograph and move on. I don't want them to feel like they have to act excited whenever I take a photograph of them because, truthfully, all I want to do is remember them, remember us, and remember our entire family. This phase of life is not going to last long and I just want to carry it with me the best way I know how.

BUT. That is not what I came here to write about tonight. What I wanted to write was that, this afternoon, I was sitting on Max's bed watching Henry jump three feet in the air in his beloved jumper. Andrew had just got home and Max barreled into his bedroom, threw open his closet, tore out his Batman cape, and hug it the way I hugged him that time we came back from Italy and hadn't seen each other for ten days. And I thought, "He is the sweetest thing and I don't not want to forget this.". My little boy is so full of love and happiness and I just am so proud that I am his mom and so excited for all the things that are going to happen in his life.

Annnnnd here's a totally unrelated photograph of Andrew and Henry from early this month: